So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
