I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
