I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
