I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
