farters have to be the big spoon...
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
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