I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
