i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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