I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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