When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
