His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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