sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
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It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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