nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
