I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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