DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
