i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Randomize
