I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
