Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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