Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
