He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
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