if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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