The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Randomize
