If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
