So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
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