I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
