This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
