When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
