if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
