I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
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