soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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