Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
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The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
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I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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