u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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