Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
the day after is always just damage control
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
two words...techno handjob
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize