when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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