margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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