Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize