He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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