Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize