You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Randomize
