if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Where are you?
In a non slutty way
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
