Duck Duck Cougar?
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
