I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Randomize