hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
