I love black thongs
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
We named our party play list daddy issues
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
