Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
