You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Randomize
