because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
