Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
