So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
