oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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