he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
