don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
