I heard we made out
matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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