I am in a vortex of obligation.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
