i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
