she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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