i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize