So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
meet me or not, i'm out of control
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
how does that bad decision feel?
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
