So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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