he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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