roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
