I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize
