I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
