Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
