i just identified you from a description of your pipe
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
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He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
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Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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