she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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